Proof

Yesterday was cold. Officially.
Summer is gone and I never got a chance to say goodbye.
[Shane Park in Birmingham, Michigan]

Wake Up

Alarm clock goes off.
I’m already awake, but I wait for it.
Shower.
Then turn on a morning news show.
It’s a bad habit.
Like sniffing glue.
The more you do it, the dumber you get.
You start to think it’s okay to speak in “pun”.
It’s not.
You got that Al Roker?
So today, I quit.
No more Good Morning America Today Wake Up San Francisco.
And maybe that means I won’t know what business casual really means.
Or if it’s raining outside.
But that’s what windows are for.
[Detroit Fire House]

No Pizza

I don’t know whether to be concerned by the fact this man is homeless…
Or by the fact he doesn’t like pizza.
Is it the sauce?
Is he on a low-carb diet?
Ah ha!
Maybe he is using reverse psychology.
Maybe he actually prefers pizza but has learned no one likes a choosey beggar.
And figures he is more likely to get some pie out of spite than by special request.
That is the first rule of communication.
Know your audience.
I imagine this is key when crafting an effective “throw me a bone” sign.
[New York City]

Office Space

Every job has its version of the cubicle.
His happens to be a ladder.
Decidedly smaller than mine.
But with a much better view.
[Birmingham, Michigan]

One Day

I would like to live above a storefront.
Especially one that sells delicious subs.
I'd also like to know the family that runs it.
Or the two brothers.
Ideally they'd have a good story.
Maybe they were lawyers who gave up six figures to make sandwiches.
And soup.
Maybe they argue sometimes.
I’d like them to know me by name.
And make me try their famous clam chowder even though I hate clams.
Even the word clam. Clam.
[Boston]

Hot Fun

Elephant ears for dinner.
Corn dogs for dessert.
Fragrant farm animals.
And strings of anxious neon lights.
This is summertime.
Ahh, to be over 48 inches tall, officially.
Wishing the night would last forever.
Wondering why Daddy’s pony tail is longer than Mommy’s.
[Michigan State Fair]

Thanks Ray

So when that little gas light in your car dings, just fill it up.
Even if you don’t feel like it.
And you’re late to work.
And you don’t want your freshly straitened hair to fro into a gigantic frizzball.
Just do it.
Or you’ll have to call Ray.
And he’ll have to tow your car.
And fill it up for you.
And laugh at you.
Hey, it’s cool.
[A gas station close to my work. But not close enough.]

Where's Waldo?

I’m pretty sure the guy who thought up the idea of “take-out” had that stroke of genius right here at this very eatery. He walked in and decided his Pad Thai would be way easier to swallow if he wasn’t having a seizure.
It's true. I'm no interior decorator but I do know that multi-colored Christmas lights do not go with vegetable wall decals. And as for the giant blue and purple bubbles on the walls, there is only one possible explanation: Vandalism. For the love of curry noodles, someone please alert the authorities.
[Thai Restaurant, Royal Oak Michigan]

Vice

I’ve adopted the smoke break.
Minus the smoking.
It started innocently. Just one.
Usually at around three. The time my brain activity nosedives.
Five minutes did it. A quick stroll around the block and I was somewhat ready to pretend to work for two more hours.
But then I started needing more. Two laps around the block. Sometimes some park action.
I’m up to like four non-smoke breaks a day now.
I can't stop.
[Outside a party store, Detroit]

Iron Man

Who is this character they call Vinnie?
Has he always wanted to make iron rails and cellar doors?
What does his laugh sound like? Where did he meet his wife?
What does Vinnie like on his pizza?
I'm just wondering.
[Brooklyn]

Discover the Falls

And by discover, the Niagara Falls Visitors Bureau means try not to run over any greasy tourists as you attempt to navigate through a clusterfuck* of bad attractions and worse restaurants only to find that the Falls are on display like a flippin’ zoo attraction.
Do I sound upset? I was.
I really wanted to “discover” the falls. Climb something. Follow a narrow twisted path that would slowly reveal this wonder of the world.
If your idea of a romantic getaway is the wax museum and chicken fingers at the Planet Hollywood with a view of people blocking the waterfall, right on.
For everyone else, experiencing all that is Niagara should take no more than 30 seconds. Unless it takes longer for you to find someone you think won’t run away with your camera to snap your picture.
*I don't like that word but it’s really the only way to describe the assault on your senses.
[Niagra Falls, Ontario]

Make Music

I’m fine with not being a rock star.
I had the chance and I blew it. Back in fifth grade.
In fifth grade I pretended to play the flute.
It was exhausting.
Learning how to not-read music. Hours of non-practicing.
Then one day I fell off my bike and fractured my elbow.
And I never had to pretend-play that stupid flute again.
Divine intervention.
But now that I’m older, I’m sad I don’t speak that language that music people do.
It's not too late though.
Drums. On my list. Watch out.
All I need is a garage.
[The Hentchmen at the Lager House, Detroit]

Pop Couture

I love the idea of a thrift shop.
For the simple reason that the Beatles concert tee from 1965 is actually from 1965 and not from Target’s Fall 2006 line. It was danced in. Sweated in. Slept in. And those seven lovely letters that adorn the front of the shirt were naturally and genuinely distressed.
I love the idea of a thrift shop for its authenticity.
Have I ever personally found anything at one? No. But i'm optimistic.
[Newbury Street, Boston]

Are your feathers real?

A not so little indian.
Named Tony.
Works the door at the Grand Canyon.[West Rim, Grand Canyon]

Sunday Best

Clad in lace and thick white pumps.
Armed with a shiny gold purse full of gum and Kleenex.
It’s Church Lady.
In all her glory.
She’s waited all week to receive the Body of Christ.
Today’s the day.
[Spanish mass at St. Peters Church, Brooklyn]

Starbucks who?

Places like this will never lose their charm.
Even if their tables wobble.
And their signs fade.
I’m a sucker for the quaint. And quirky.
Nothing against Starbucks. They are practical. You always know what to expect. Same kind of drinks. Same kind of service. And music. And chairs. And over-caffeinated under-stimulated people.
What’s the fun in that?
[A café in Boston’s Little Italy]

Immitation Silk Shirts

Homeboy found his calling in life.
Seller of gold chains and pinky rings.
We should all be so lucky.
[China Town, NYC]

Liberty

Just a guy living the American Dream.
[Battery Park on New Years Day]